Parenthood is hard! Enough with the mom shaming already!

3:47:00 PM

You’re whisked away in a gurney, your husband is holding your hand telling you to breathe, there are lights in the ceiling and something – or should I say someone - is pressuring you from the inside with what seems the force of a horse demanding to get out.

Your gyno is smiling and making jokes about Salvador Dali of all things – which you later understand is because of the baby’s hair sticking out from your wooha resembling his mustache – all the while telling you to push.




You close your eyes, ground your teeth and turn blue trying to push that baby out when you feel this amazing sensation of something ripping out of you and then there she is, screaming her lungs out.  

Sound familiar? Has that happened to you too? In other words, are you a parent?

If so then you know. You know the amazing gift your child has given you. He or she has given you the gift of this deep, unconditional, amazing feeling, the gift of being able to love with the power of megatons. Your child has made you a better human being just by being born. How amazing is that?

You can stand anything for your kid. You can stand sleepless nights for years, toxic diapers and grueling teething pains, sore nipples and tiredness, so much tiredness. You vow to protect, cherish and love them to pieces. You stand between them and all that’s bad. And you are grateful. You are grateful they exist, you are grateful they are healthy, you are grateful you’ve kept them alive during your first night together, you are grateful for the help everyone is giving you.

You are sleep deprived, tired, sore, more stressed out that you’ve ever been – and I am not only referring to the psychological aspect if you catch my drift – and you have decisions to make. Is that diaper good for her, should I pump more often to increase my supply, can I put pepper on my food, should I sleep or stay up and look at her breathing? Is the car seat we spent 5 months researching for the safest one? Is the mattress (on which she never slept anyway) good for her bones? Why isn’t she gaining weight? Why is her poop blue? 

So many questions, so much stress and not much anyone can do to help you put your mind at ease. You are a parent, worrying comes with the territory.

You know what shouldn’t come with being a parent? Criticism! That’s what! Suddenly it seems that everyone has an opinion on how to raise your kid. Nothing wrong with that, everyone CAN have an opinion. What they can’t have is the right to criticize you if you don’t agree with that opinion!

If you are breastfeeding you are considered a hippie, your breasts will soon hit your knees as you walk (nice visual huh?), you have mommy issues, you are a freak.
If you are not breastfeeding you are going against nature wishes, you are feeding your kid poison, you have mommy issues, you are a freak.
If you are co-sleeping you are certainly a hippie and since you most likely breastfeed while co-sleeping, there is nothing that will keep your breasts from hitting the floor. Oh and you are a freak.
If you are not co-sleeping you have abandoned your kid, your kid is going to have mommy issues, you are a freak.

Do I need to talk about baby wearing, strollers, pacifiers, when to start weaning, social media exposure, gay or straight or god forbid veganism,  tattoos and vaccines? No, I don’t think I need to go that far to get you to see the bigger picture here.

Being a parent is hard work. You need encouragement and help, not criticism and pointing fingers. Would you want someone to judge you for every decision you make for your kid? No! Then why do it to others?

Why do you stare when a mom is nursing her three year old kid? Why do you shake your head and think she’s disturbed just because you don’t agree with her? Why do you need to stop and stare and then gossip about it all over your social media just to feel self important when you see a struggling mom trying to get her kid up from the floor after throwing a tantrum? She’s not a bad mom you know. And I bet she’s no worse than your mom was. I even bet you threw tantrums when you were a kid! Think about that for a minute.

Why not help a parent for a change? You go all over your social media and judge the mom who’s left her crying/sleeping kid in her car to go to the shop for a minute. Why don’t you help her instead? Why don’t you offer to pick up what she needs so she’ll stay with her kid? It will take a minute of your time and she will never forget it. (Plus the kid will stay safe, which was her intention too, since she went out to get him/her diapers/formula/medicine, only she’s so sleep deprived she didn’t think twice about leaving the kid in the car). She will even pay it forward some day because that’s how kindness works. Instead, you waste hours of your life writing facebook posts about that mother and checking your phone every five seconds to see how many likes your post got from your other self-important quick to judge facebook friends, all the while your own kids go around the house, raising a ruckus demanding a second of your time. 

Do you see my point? 

Seriously, do you see it?

No one is perfect! We are all human. We make mistakes. We fall asleep while watching our kids, we give them a phone or let them watch TV for an hour just to get some peace of mind after working for 10 hours straight, we loose our shit and yell, we give them chocolate just to make them stop whining, we make compromises we said we'd never do. We make mistakes. But guess what? It's ok, our kids don't expect us to be superhuman. We can make mistakes, we should teach them all people make mistakes.

We belong to the biggest and better club of all. We belong to the parenthood club. And I know people that would give everything they own to get into that club. So you see how lucky we are?

Stop mommy shaming, stop parent shaming, stop judging and start helping, start loving. Empathy is the key word here, people!

Cause here’s the thing.

Love is what makes the world go round. You will NEVER convince me otherwise.


Lots of love




P.S.: This post has been months in the making. I wrote it within an hour but I have been accumulating the need to write it from the day Natalia was born. I was very lucky to have a woman in the bed next to mine who had just given birth to her second child, help me out with breastfeeding, caring and generally answering all my questions as a freaking-out-is-my-kid-going-to-survive-having-me-as-her-mom first time mom. She was never judgmental and she was nothing but sweet and helpful even when she didn’t agree with what I wanted to do. Do you know what that was? That was her welcoming me into the motherhood club with empathy and love. And this is me trying to pay it forward to other moms.

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58 comments

  1. I am not a mom yet but I do get where you are coming from. Seems like everyone with a keyboard is a judge these days, it's ridiculous really.
    Tabitha

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  2. MOM SHAMING?! Who in the world feels they have to RIGHT to mom shame?! Only THAT specific mom knows her situation so people really need to STEP OFF and quit judging and focus on their on dang lives!

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  3. This post is so true! Being a parent is so hard! I've realized everyone is different and everyone parents differently. I have learned I have enough to worry about just with my kids besides worrying about what everyone else is doing. Great article, spot one!

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    1. Thank you and you are too. If we stopped judging other people we'd have more time on our hands!

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  4. A great read - not a parent myself, but understand your points completely :) x

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  5. Such a good post! There's always two sides to every story and sometimes, no matter what you do, you can't win. Here's to shaking off all of the haters!

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  6. I guess we all feel that we are not enough as a parent every now and then, but still we are all unique and there's no one way to be a parent. everyone makes those decicions that suits best for their family.

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  7. Couldn't agree more! Not a parent myself, but the oldest of five, so have a *tiny* bit of insight - people are far too critical these days

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  8. You absolutely hit the nail on the head there. Just the fact that you are a parent does'nt mean we don't make mistakes. Parent is a human too:) Moms just are the better ones:)

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  9. Good points! I really don't understand what gives people the right to feel the need to mum shame. I think if you're not a parent yourself and their not your kids then its possibly best not to comment?
    everyone is doing their best.

    luciana, commenting as Ajulydreamer.com

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  10. I so agree, I never understand when parents shame other parents. Not everyone is going to do things the same. I get that. Most people get that. But there are some morons who do not and it's frustrating. I've learned to ignore them.

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    1. I think they do it out of insecurity but I may be wrong.

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  11. I HATE MOMMY SHAMING OR ANY KIND OF SHAMING. I don't know how people feel the right to judge others. I believe with all my hearts that every mother do the best she can with what she has for her kiddos.

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  12. I could not agree with you more! I don't understand why the mom shaming has become so popular! But I think it's about time that we let that go.

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  13. Ohhh how many times havent I heard this and that about everything from everyone.
    It's so darn hard to know how to react and do in some situation when it comes to your own kids....but it seems as its easier to know what to do with other kids!🤔
    Haha I give my daughter chocolate so she stop whining!

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  14. Mom shamming is so not cool and is a poor example to show children. If you're mean to other moms. Your children will possibly learn how to be mean to other children.

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  15. The worst are the mom groups on Facebook. Women go there to ask questions and get eaten alive by some of the perfect moms. It drives me nuts that women/moms cant just support each other.

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  16. The only time I mom shame is when a mother obviously is putting her child/ren in danger. Mom that bottle feeds? Who cares, at least the baby is being fed.

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  17. I can't imagine how hard it is parent and the fact some people feel they need to comment on how someone else is parents ermm nope! You don't know the ins and outs so wrong.

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  18. Very well said! Now that my kids are older, I've decided that the people who gave me dirty looks when my kid was crying in the grocery store (just an example) either never had kids or had them so long ago that they forgot what it was like. Now days it seems like people would rather criticize than help. I try to teach my kids differently, but I'm not sure if I always succeed.

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  19. We should stop ALL shaming. Why people feel the need to meddle in other people's business is beyond me. We should just be kind to everyone and hope kids will grow up in a kinder world.

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  20. I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old, and I've definitely been on the receiving end of the mom shaming since both my kids breastfeed until 2 or just over (my youngest just quit). The thing is, people need to accept that what works for one doesn't work for another and that's ok!

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  21. We need to help and support other Moms. I think it is terrible all the Mom shaming that goes on. No one is perfect and we need to be more compassionate.

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  22. It befuddles me how unsupportive some people can be torwards parents. Its 2017 we need to get over shaming mums and dads because everyone is entitled to raise their children however they think is right!

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  23. Our world lacks empathy and everyone is more and more judgmental. It's incredible how people now give their opinion on everything and everyone without actually being interested in knowing the backgrounds of the story. There is never a single way of doing things, and each child is different. I think sharing tips is awesome, and much needed. But judgement never helps...

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  24. Being a mom is the hardest profession. It's a big responsibility and it's a noble job.

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  25. You got my inner feel, yes we too are humans and sometimes lose things many a times. I too feel like having some of "Me" time and I can give mobile to my son to get that. Loved it from the core of my heart.

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  26. I'm not a mom, but I do understand you. It's so much easier to judge then to help. And yes, I bet it can be hard, and that there are people who don't like kids (me included) But they can just zip it and go one with their life without making any harm.

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  27. I think overall, we need to stop shaming people for how they choose to live. My Dad says, "when people don't have any business of their own to mind, they mind the business of others" Soooo maybe people just need to mind their own business. Live and let live. ya know?

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  28. I get where you are coming from, people do judge way too much these days – Wynne

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  29. Very well said. I understand where you are coming from. Nowadays, some people judge us in what they see. Being a mom is not easy. It's a big responsibility and the hardest job.

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  30. Shaming is real popular right now and it sucks. There is no guide on how to be a parent nor do they teach us this in school so its not fair to sham people doing their best.

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  31. I Love this! Although I absolutely adore being a mom, it is difficult. Very difficult. And each family has their own way of parenting, their own dynamic. There is no set rulebook for this gig.

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  32. I just ignore people. Everyone always has an opinion. As long as you're doing what you feel is best, then that's all that matters.

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  33. I'm not a parent yet, but I can relate. Shaming is never fair or something we should do!

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  34. Ugh! It's super annoying when people try to tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing as a parent. I find that those with the worse children possible always have something to say about child rearing.

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  35. Yes, stop the mom shaming, and the non-mom shaming as well! Not everyone has to have a kid, haha! Thanks for sharing, I totally relate.

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  36. First, who created that word, Mom Shaming??!!!
    Being a Mom is a full time job and a huge role to a society. Moms are responsible in raise the future leaders, and top influencers, so whoever started that word is just JEALOUS.

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  37. It's a great article...thank you posting!
    I am a mum to a 7 yr old... I used to get bothered before with comments from people around me... but then I realised that there is so much more to life than getting bothered with people that hardly matter.
    And people will judge, no matter what!

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  38. I really dont understand mom shaming. There's so many different parenting styles that judging someone because they dont do things the way you do is so wrong. As long as the child is healthy and happy, thats all that really matters.

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  39. mom shaming should not be a thing. no one in this world has the rite to do so. it should not exist !

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  40. I hate to see this happen in any situation. Any mom out there knows that they are trying their best. We need to treat each other with respect.

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  41. Your post is so interesting. I really feel like parents feel pressure or have tough time to develop their children. There is nothing shame for mom or paa

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  42. Likewise, it's important to accept people who make different life choices. I'm not really sure I ever want a biological child, and, by God, the number of people that are convinced I'll change my mind, or that there's something wrong with me, or that tell me that being a mom is the best job EVER and I'm just lazy... Anyway, I do think it's important for people to stop giving so much unsolicited advice on family planning and raising lol.

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  43. I totally agree with you. We all make different choices and should not be judged for what we do.

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  44. Being a mom is hard enough without being judged... we need to stick by one another and build each other up... Shell

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  45. Yes, I'm a mom of four (one son, three daughters) and now a grandmother of four - all girls! I do remember the "mom shaming" I experienced as a stay-at-home homeschooling mom for over 20 years .. and now my own 28-year-old daughter (mommy to 3 of my 4 granddaughters) is unfortunately experiencing it. She is also a stay-at-home mom, but also has additional challenges with my 5-year-old granddaughter who has special needs. It's amazing how many people (especially people who are NOT parents or who have NOT spent time with special needs kids) suddenly become experts with their unrequested advice and the subsequent shaming for not taking their advice!

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  46. I don't believe there is a heavier issue for debate than parenthood (maybe motherhood in specific even more so).
    Most moms try to convince themselves, foremost, and then the others that what they are living with their child is the one & only truth, their choices the best ones, their reality the only one.
    Pleeeeease... share some love, and some understanding. Everyone is just doing their best!

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  47. I love this! Enough IS enough! As long as our kids are clean, fed, and loved, people need to back off!

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